Please be advised that this article will contain a lot of profanity given the subject matter.
James Rolfe, the Angry Video Game Nerd, was one of the first breakthrough successes back when Youtube was still new. He has created many amateur films over the years and has continued making new web shows as well as a full feature length film starring his Nerd character. His website, Cinemassacre, has most of his material available at any given time.
Even though he has many favorites such as Board James and You Know What’s Bullshit?, his most popular show by far is the Angry Video Game Nerd which has continued for at least 137 episodes. This isn’t even including his side videos that feature the character.
So what makes Rolfe’s character so popular even to this day? It’s a combination of overall influence, special brand of humor, and filmmaker sensibilities. Retro gaming became huge after his video games became popular and countless Youtube channels have cited Rolfe as a direct influence to their shows. His style of humor incorporates somewhat juvenile gross-out humor with witty banter thrown into the mix.
So what is the show exactly about? Well it features a stereotypical nerd who wears white collar shirts and obsesses over gaming gadgets. The character recalls his childhood experiences with below terribly made games and drowns his sorrows by drinking Rolling Rock beer. His mission statement is to warn you about awful video games so you don’t have to personally play them yourself. His over the top reactions to the games he plays is a huge draw to the show as he acts legitimately tortured by playing below average NES games. Exaggerated, angry reactions is the show’s bread and butter.
Now that I’ve given a little overview of the show it’s time to introduce my top 10 favorite episodes. This was extremely hard for me to do since there are so many classic episodes to choose from. I made a list of episodes I would consider putting in the top 10 out of the 137 he’s made, and I still had to dwindle those choices down from around 50 to 10! I know some of his classic episodes are missing (TMNT for example, it barely just didn’t make it), but this isn’t meant to be a definitive list – they’re just the episodes I enjoy the most.
10 – Little Red Hood (Episode 83)
Summary: A review of an unlicensed NES game loosely based on the fairy tale Little Red Riding Hood.
Favorite Quotes:
“It’s just, so random… Y’know, how many times have I used the word “random” and “appear?” But that’s exactly what’s happening. Stuff appears or doesn’t appear, or randomly does something else. I feel like a guinea pig in an experiment where they’re testing the effects of negative reinforcement, let’s see what happens if we take the key away… It’s 20 years late, but whoever you are, and if you wanna know what the effect is, I’ll tell you the effect: IT’S FUCKING PISSING ME OFF!”
“You wanna know how I feel now? I’m fucking enraged! You don’t just change the rules like that!! This is shit sauce! This is Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde standards! And I’m still playing it. I don’t even know why. I guess I can’t resist being able to say “I beat Little Red Hood!” And you know what? I don’t expect a good ending either. Why work hard on creating an elaborate ending when you make the game so hard to figure out that there’s not a chance in hell anyone would get that far? In fact, I expect a shitty ending! A fucking loathsome, ass-sucking SHIT HEAP of an ending!”
“Oh! My dear Little Red Hood! Thank you for your coming!”
9 – Spiderman (Episode 24)
Summary: The Nerd plays various Spiderman games with Kyle Justin (the guitarist in the intro) who plays the role of Spiderman.
Favorite Quotes:
Spiderman: “THIS GAME SUCKS MY SPIDER BALLS!”
The Nerd: You delivered pizzas before though, right?
Spider-Man: No, no, no, I never did that.
The Nerd: Yeah, you did in the movie, Spider-Man 2.
Spider-Man: I did that at one point, but I don’t want people fucking knowing about that.
8 – Action 52 (Episode 90)
Summary: This episode clocks in at just under a half an hour. He attempts to review all 52 games contained this half baked compilation. However, the 52nd game, Cheetahmen, is covered in a separate, following review.
Favorite Quotes:
Critical Bypass – it’s critical that you bypass this game!
I guess I can’t say I’m really too excited over playing a game called Alfredo, also known as Alfred N the Fettuc
Here comes Mrs. Tits, jumping like she’s on the moon!
If only Mico-Mike would slow the fuck down
I guess this guy doesn’t understand the concept of a hooker – you’re supposed to fuck her not fuck her up
7 – Dracula (Episode 57)
Summary: A Halloween special where he plays various Dracula games.
Favorite Quotes:
Game: Use 1 or 2 words only
Nerd: Oh okay, I’ll give you two words: fuck you!
Game: Does not know how to “fuck” something
Who would call Dracula “my man?”
“It’s like somebody took a shit and buried it and then someone else decided to dig it up. It’s like what do you expect?”
“Fred Fush.. Fred Fuch… FRED FUCKS!? Oh my God it’s Fred Fucks…”
“Is that clip even from the movie? I don’t know, maybe it’s from Bill and Ted”
“Why do so many games have so many fucking bats!?”
6 – Bible Games (Episode 17)
(I couldn’t find a title card for the first volume, so I used the card for Bible Games 2)
Summary: He mostly focuses on unlicensed Christian based NES games for his first Christmas special.
Favorite Quotes:
“Is that how Noah did it? He did it all by himself by picking animals up and carrying them in the ark? Well according to Bible Adventures, that’s how it happened.”
“Ugggh, take that you monkey fuck – you’re going in the ark!”
“What kind of picture is this? Moses’ mom carrying baby Moses, carrying a block of cheese, carrying a guy, carrying a spear. I’d never thought I’d see that.”
“The only way to have any fun at all is to throw baby Moses in the water, and then go explore the level without him. This is a weird game. What other game could you say, “I just threw baby Moses in the water”. For some reason, I just can’t stop saying, “baby Moses”. Baby Moses, baby Moses. When you finish the level, it says, “Good work! But you forgot baby Moses.” I didn’t forget him, I just didn’t want him.”
“Look, a snowman. Watch this. I’m gonna blow his fucking head off. Yeah, that snowman’s dead as shit.”
“It’s The Book of Genesis on Sega Genesis. And the soundtrack… is Genesis… I’m just making this up.”
“Now, let’s try Flight to Egypt… It’s bad.”
5 – Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Re-Revisited (Episode 95)
Summary: Unhappy with his original review of the game, he goes back and reviews it a second time with a more in depth analysis.
Favorite Quotes:
“I can say the game is very true to the original title of the book, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, because this game is certainly a very strange case, indeed!”
“What did the good doctor do to make everybody so upset? I can see the townspeople sittin’ at the local pub, talkin’ about him all day. “Yeah, ya see Jekyll, ya see him? Ya see him walkin’, he just keeps fuckin’ walking! I don’t like him. Think he’s an asshole. He wears his underwear backwards. He has eyeballs for testicles!”
“I killed a bee?! I killed something! The only thing you can kill in the whole game, and it’s a little tiny stupid FUCKING BEE! “
“Oh, great. Now there’s birds shitting into the piss fountain. This is perfect. Look at this picture. This sums up the whole game.”
“ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!”
Skeleton of Robert Louis Stevenson: Fuck you… I am the devil! MUHAHAHA! Now go play some Dr. Jekyll and Mr. HYDE!!
*Goes on for five minutes about how it’s actually the best game ever made* Or, you could just say, “THE GAME FUCKING SUCKS.”
4 – Batman Part 1 (Episode 52)
Summary: Dressed like Batman, the Nerd reviews various Batman games before getting captured by the Joker (Mike Matei) at the end of the episode (which leads into Batman part 2).
Favorite Quotes:
“The game sucks, gotta give it the Batman punishment. I’m Batman.“
“Batman Forever for the Super Nintendo. Now we’re in deep shit, because this game is triceratops testicles.”
“You try every possible combination of buttons until you find that Select shoots this wire out of your crotch. That’s real random, right? The SELECT button?”
“Look at that, chainsaw to the dick!”
LIKE THIS IS FUCKED BEYOND BELIEF! It’s like, the controls in this game are something you do for a cheat code, not a BASIC MOVE that you have to do in order to play the game! Why’d they program it in such an ASSININE, BALL-BRAINED, COCKAMAMIE, RIDICULOUS FASHION?! It’s like, JEEZ, there’s four buttons’ right on front of the controller! LIKE THAT’S NOT ENOUGH TO WORK WITH?! Instead, they have to, like, program it, like, all into like, weird kinda crazy button combinations and shit?! It’s like, what were they thinking?! It’s like, Up is jump? Select for the grappling hook? Select shouldn’t even be part of the game! Select should be like, for the menus or something. I mean, jeez, like were they trying to just ruin this game? Just flat out, just fuck it up?! Well, they DID! Batman Forever, it sucked back then, and it sucks forever!
3 – Wizard of Oz (Episode 43)
Summary: He reviews The Wizard of Oz on the Super Nintendo as the lion (who is played by Mike Matei) joins in.
Favorite Quotes:
“Why does Glinda have such disregard for Dorothy’s safety? Having the ruby slippers makes her the target of the Wicked Witch. It’s not like Dorothy asked for the damn slippers. Also, why doesn’t she just tell her she can click her heels and go home right away? Fucking bitch.”
“Then, there’s lemons dropping down. You know, like in the lyrics of “Somewhere over the Rainbow?” The lemon drops? That’s fuckin’ desperate.”
“Remember the scene from the movie where Dorothy kicks the shit out of a giant crow wearing a vest?”
“Now, Tin Man, what a miserable fuck. He raises the shittiness to a whole new level. He can’t duck or jump at all. That fucking helps, right? Why not make a character in a platforming jumping game that can’t jump? HE’S USELESS! A COMPLETE WASTE!”
The Nerd: Now, here’s how the lion works in the game: now, as far as the attacks go, he, has like this weird bitch slap.
Cowardly Lion: With a nuck and a ruff and a fuck and a f-fuck!
The Nerd: Hey man, did you just swear?
Cowardly Lion: Uh, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck you, fuck you, dick, dick, dick!
Cowardly Lion: Oh, is that the Witch? Is that the witch? She’s a bitch, not a witch! Yeah! Now, Shove her broom right up her ass! Fuck that bitch! Fuck that bitch! Fuck! Wicked Witch of the East, Wicked Witch of the West, Wicked Witch of my ass.
Cowardly Lion: Yeah, what’s that green thing?
The Nerd: That green- I don’t know what th–
The Nerd: Oh, that big emerald is a door?
Cowardly Lion: Yeah, yeah, what are you? Stupid?
2 – Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties (Episode 74)
Summary: The AVGN looks for the worst 3DO game ever and chooses Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties – a primitive adult oriented choose your own adventure styled game.
Favorite Quotes:
“That was its slogan, REAL, because it’s a real piece of shit.”
“Get it?” No I don’t get it!”
“Why would there ever be a floating head of a panda next to someone’s bed?!”
“Get out of bed John! Yeah, great concept. Every game should begin with two minutes of some guy’s mom trying to get him out of bed.”
“Oh, so is he a plumber? Well, the game’s called Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties, so I guess it makes sense: he’s a plumber, and I don’t see him wearing a tie… WHAT THE FUCK?! You can’t even trust the damn title!”
“TAKE YOUR DAMN CLOTHES OFF!!!”
A fucking chicken mask! An upside-down fucking chicken mask!
Well, sport? You think you can handle this choice without getting the lowest score in the history of this game?
What, there’s somebody else who played this shit?
There’s dogs clapping! I didn’t even know that dogs were fucking watching!
IT’S NOT… FUCKING… NIGHT!
Yeah, you know what? Gimme something different. Gimme a different fucking game.
1 – Winter Games (Episode 84)
Summary: The Nerd reviews Winter Games and decides that it has some of the worst controls he’s ever encountered in a video game.
Favorite Quotes:
If you have a problem with Happy Holidays, then Happy Shut The Fuck Up.
Alright, the game boots up and the runner comes to light an Olympic torch. Yeah, cool. Can I skip it?
The first event is called Hot Dog Aerials. I wonder what that could be. Oh, Ski Jump. Okay. Why is called Hot Dog Aerials?
Next is Speed Skating. I’m surprised it’s not called Cat Tit Bingo.
How do you like that music? Listen. Exquisite. Isn’t that the most beautiful, radiant sound that has ever been blessed upon your soul? Its exuberant tonality harmoniously blends the dying squeals of electronic goats, with the melodic rapture of diarrhea bubbling from a coyote’s crap-hole.
You ever watch a movie where someone’s pretending to play a video game, but you can tell they’re just acting, they’re just go like this? They’re playing Winter Games.
Who programmed this thing? Maybe it was Fred Fuchs.
THIS IS A BLIZZARD OF BALLS!
BURN, MOTHERFUCKER, BURN!
These transcripts come from the AVGN wikia here: http://avgn.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Transcripts – Thanks and great job!
ho7mes Tech & Tunes 